Family begins with a capital eff.
I’m wondering how many more f*cking ‘phases’ I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me ‘it’s just a phase!’ for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is ‘just a phase.’ Potty training and the associated accidents ‘is just a phase’. The tantrums of the terrible twos are ‘just a phase’. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All ‘just phases!’ When do the ‘phases’ end though? WHEN?
Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight – a dragon badger or a ninja horse – they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts – except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.
Review: Well this book was just an absolute dream. Funny, honest and just so true to life it is hilarious. This book picks up right after book two in this series leaves off so if you continue reading this review, you may be spoiled for Why Mummy Drinks and Why Mummy Swears.
I just love Ellen as a character and because we get these books in diary form, we get to see everything that Ellen is thinking at any given moment. Whether that is thoughts about her kids and how much they are driving her crazy, thoughts about how perfect she is going to make her new country home or thoughts about what will happen if anyone else has to see her stretch marked belly, her saggy boobs and her stitched up fanny! She makes me laugh so much but she is just so easy to relate to and just a breath of fresh air when it comes to mums in fiction!
Her children have grown up just a little more in this book and so that makes for some hilarious situations involving booze, boys and teenage tantrums, but they are just a delight to read about and provide a great catalyst for many plot points and comedy moments in the book. Ellen's friends and former husband also provide for some funny moments but also some meaningful moments and so add another layer to the book.
This novel just had me laughing out loud at every turn and any writer that quotes Victoria Wood is a true hero to me. I was nodding along with the plight of husbands that don't wipe the surface after making themselves a sandwich and cackling hysterically at a bikini line trimming mishap. I love this series, I highly rate the audiobook which I bought from Audible and just really loved this book-highly recommend!
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